Love Comes

I can hardly put into words just what has been happening in my heart over the last year, but particularly over the last few months. I’m a beautiful mess. Ha.
Where do I even begin? Im not sure I can do this justice but I shall try.

Most of my challenges this year have been in the area of relationships. One particular relationship really made me feel so beyond vulnerable that it was ridiculous. And it was so uncomfortable being THAT vulnerable. At any rate, in that whole process this became my daily confession: “Lord I trust you with my heart, even if that person fails to handle my heart in the right way. Even if that person messes up in their dealings with me.” What a scary confession that was. But. But it soon became a beautiful expression of my trust in Him. A realisation of just how capable His love is at covering even the most messiest of outcomes. Even after interactions with that person stopped, that expression continued to play a part in my daily routine. I guess it had become a habit, one which I do not intend on giving up or breaking. I find that this expression sets me up to be the best me I can be in any situation because I know He covers and protects my heart, so I no longer have anything to fear. I am free to be. I am free to love. Because I trust Him with my heart, and I know that His love is so vast and so thick and heavy there is nothing that cannot bow to it.

I’ve been having the most amazing times in School simply encountering the Father’s heart in a deeper way. Usually, it leaves me lying on the floor, hair stuck to a tear stained face, a trail of make up coursing down my cheeks...that in itself is breakthrough for me. Being messed up to that degree in public. The British reserve is crumbling as I feel more free than ever to be...to be a beautiful mess in the midst of not just school, but family.

The more I encounter His heart, the more I love. I do no know how He has done it or exactly what He did, but I can feel my heart enlarging...I have more love than ever to give.
This is a season where I am ready for a degree of love I've often dreamed of but not quite fully experienced. Its chasing me down. It’s stalking me. I am a target. I can feel it.
And I realise that kind of love is a love that isn’t needy...it's a love that is already satisfied and full and thankful. That kind of love postures itself from a place of giving, not receiving, because it's already brimming over. It's the kind of love that already knows itself and has settled that point in its core. It’s the kind of love that doesn’t need, because it’s needs have already been met, but it’s the kind of love, that wants. And from that place there is a willingness to stoop to a level of vulnerability where all you can do is say again “God, I trust you with my heart, no matter the outcome”
Sigh.

Ready? Take a deep breath.

Here comes love.