Hope is Here.

Happy New Year.
Some of you may have noticed I've been talking about hope a lot for the last number of months. It's been interesting intentionally raising my hope level whilst also trying to process through deferred hope and disappointment. Or things not working out quite as you had supposed.
I am really ready for 2011 to be over and I am very hopeful as to what 2012 holds....even though there is a lot still shrouded in mystery. My last quarter in 2011 was a poor one if I am honest with you. Probably one of the toughest ones I've had in a while, partly because it changed from one extreme to the other almost over night. I have to remind myself that breakthrough and growth can look and feel different from season to season.
I wanted to share something with you as we step into a new year that has been really powerful to me.
Almost 2 months ago I had an encounter with God that was really powerful. I was in worship when I heard Him say to me "there's things that you are holding on to in your heart that are taking up room for my hope to occupy. Let go and let hope. Let hope invade. Let hope expand. Let hope do its work." I was floored. I knew exactly what He was referring to. In that moment, I knew He was releasing a supernatural ability to let go of those things, the pain, the disappointment etc and in faith, to step forward into higher levels of His hope. Letting go meant being ok with not having answers right now and possibly ever for why certain things, situations, relationships did or didn't happen. This has been a process for me, not merely limited to just one moment in worship, nor one breakthrough encounter. Its been an intentional day by day saying "im ok with not knowing. Im ok with no answers. I trust in your goodness. And that gives me hope".
In coming to this place and this practice, I've found my expectation for what's next in 2012 increase and expand. I've even noticed recently a renewed hope in the areas where there were formerly unique disappointments. It makes no sense.

A lot of the prophets are already saying it, but I think it's really key and worth repetition: It's time to get your hopes up as high as they will go as we come into a new year. I feel strongly that some of the things that we still cant see clearly about 2012 are because it's yet to be determined. And we have an invitation to be a part of determining what unfolds. That being said, I feel like our hope levels will be really influential in determining what plays out.
Often, it can be hard to raise our hopes when we've encountered disappointment in specific areas. And whilst that is true, I know and I've experienced this grace He is releasing to let go of the disappointment in order to come up to a higher place of hope.
I feel strongly that the areas where you've been disappointed whether it's delayed dreams, promises, community not quite panning out, relational tension, uncertainty & disappointment, position, job, geography being a cause of hopelessness that these will be the areas that you see the greatest increase in terms of your hope level. And its because of this grace He is releasing.
We may not step into new things over night as we move into 2012 because there is value to process, but in saying that, Hope will be really strategic in navigating and positioning us into proper alignment so that we can be in the right places at the right times with the right people and see the hope we've been cultivating make way for the things our hearts long for to be made manifest. Hope is likened to an anchor in scripture for a reason. In transition, in the waves, in the shaking, it keeps us grounded. Hope means we do not have to be at the mercy of the wind or the waves around us.


This year I am making it my goal, my mission to live my life with the most hope ever. And to leak this hope where ever I go.
I say all of this for the reason to encourage you to let go and let hope. There is a grace to leave discouragement, hopelessness and disappointment behind if you will only receive this Hope invitation from Him.
His justice in your life looks like Him restoring your capacity to hope in the areas where you may have scars of disappointment.
"we have this hope as an anchor..."

Happy Hopeful New year my friends.
Love you all,
Michelle.

Hope.

this seems like an appropriate anthem to close out 2011 and usher in 2012.

There's a song that's inside of my soul

It's the one that I've tried to write over and over again

I'm awake in the infinite cold

But You sing to me over and over and over again

So I lay my head back down

And I lift my hands And pray to be only Yours I pray to be only Yours I know now You're my only hope

Sing to me the song of the stars Of your galaxy dancing and laughing and laughing again

When it feels like my dreams are so far

Sing to me of the plans that you have For me over again

So I lay my head back down And I lift my hands And pray to be only Yours I pray to be only Yours I know now You're my only hope

I give You my destiny

I'm giving You all of me

I want Your symphony Singing in all that I am

At the top of my lungs I'm giving it back

So I lay my head back down And I lift my hands And pray to be only Yours I pray to be only Yours I pray to be only yours I know now You're my only hope

-Only Hope, Switchfoot.

the marriage of the old & new.

there’s a glory on the dawning of the new. the first break of light. even though there’s a sadness to that which is passing. old things falling to the place where they should. to make room for the new. to hold the new.

Fighting off the grip of sleep each morning is aided by the prospect of that first flash, that first glimpse of dawn. Light. I love watching it expand across the sky. It captures the transformation that He does within, as more rays of His light rip through the strongholds of faulty mindsets.
I’ve been thinking a lot about newness. new things. new seasons. It ‘dawned’ on me this am as I was driving to work....something feels new. Something feels different. Fresh. Not sure what it is yet as its still draped in dew. But its here and I cant wait to see what unfolds.
A friend and I were having a conversation about closure recently. Especially as it pertains to positioning/placement.
It generated a lot of thoughts in my head....Often, when moving into the new, there is a natural closure that happens of the old. Sometimes it can feel sad, because we are closing things out, ending things. Finishing.
But then I had this thought. Closure is often an opportunity or an invitation to take old things to new levels. To elevate them. To raise the standard of them. At times it is a walking away, a division, a separation. Moving into different directions. But it can also be an opportunity to go deeper. to go higher. to go lower. In the midst of the dawning of the new, and the closing or finishing of old things....I feel this draw, this pull, this invitation to take some of the old things with me for the very purpose of going deeper.
Vulnerability is a buzz word for me in this season. And I feel one of the glories of the new that I am stepping into, is in inviting greater vulnerability into some of the existing (old) relationships I have.
I guess part of the new that I am sensing, as I process it, is in old/existing relationships going to new places and levels in my heart. in my life. in my time. in my schedule.

He makes even old things new, or why else would He promise to renew our youth like the eagle?


Suddenly, in the midst of this all.....closure, finishing, endings have become beautiful. They represent opportunities for new stories to be told, sometimes with the same characters. Much like a sequel. One of the things I love most about sequels are the history of the characters and journey's that they convey. It makes my heart inexplicably happy.

You dictate your own Hope level!

"Any area of your life that does not glisten with hope is under the influence of a lie"-Steve Backlund.

After a very honest convo with my roomie and a healthy dose of truth from her we came to the conclusion that some of the things we are going after that are really close to our hearts have to be grounded in right belief systems. In the course of my convo with her, we uncovered a faulty belief system in my thinking. After feeling like my hope level was bouncing up and down and spinning all over the place so that I couldn’t keep track of it, I realised that my feelings of powerlessness were based on the fact that I was allowing circumstances and people to dictate my hope level. But the truth is I set my hope level based on the thoughts I think. The reality is that regardless of what is happening in my circumstances or in the relationships around me....God is bigger and able to meet me where I am at especially as I cultivate and operate out of a renewed mind. So its the practice and execution of renewed thinking that sets the tone for my hope, which then in turn influences my atmosphere, circumstances and relationships.

Vulnerable moment: I am not excited about this whole online thing....but I am doing it in response to His invitation to take risk and to learn how to be powerful in the midst of what feels like limited options or opportunity. At time’s I’ve struggled with feeling like this is a last resort kind of deal (cue laughter now-thats a lie!) but the reality is my hope is in God and His unswerving goodness and faithfulness to meet me where I am at and to fulfill His promises. I’ve had a bit of a propensity to stick all my eggs in one basket when it pertains to a particular situation or person....but the issue that’s really at hand with this is a belief system. When I would do that, I realised that I was actually operating out of a wrong mindset where I was hope impoverished. I was reacting to a blatant lack of His hope....and trying to take matters into my own hands to produce a certain result because it appeared that this was the only option available to me or that if I didn't put all my eggs in this basket it wouldn’t work out. And because God wasn’t demonstrating/manifesting His goodness (in my faulty perception) in this area of my life, so it called for me to take action into my own hands. (ugh, I want to throw up!) Again, another lie. Ha ha ha.

So I refuse to let man or circumstance to set my hope level....I am the one who dictates it! And the truth is, even when it feels like I am living in the land of starts and stops, things happening and then pausing, and options and opportunities appearing to be in lack....God is bigger than all of that and it’s EASY for Him to bring options and opportunities my way and to cause my dreams to be realised.

He is more committed to my dreams and desires than I am-He is that good. And He never ceases to be good even on this journey to find love. Because that was the lie I was believing-He is good in every other area of my life except this one. But that’s just not true. He is ALWAYS good. And He is better than I think He is.

The process of becoming powerful...

Caveat: Please honor the huge risk I am taking at being vulnerable about the journey I am on and respond, if you feel so led, with sensitivity.

Here it goes. The misadventures of a twenty something female into the wacky world of online dating. Yes. You read that correctly.

But it’s more than just that. This entire process is more about learning how to be powerful in any and every situation, but especially in those places where its feels and seems and looks like you exist within limited options.

Let me start at the beginning.

Last December I turned 28. And the following occurred to me: Here I am, 28 years old, the healthiest, happiest and most whole I’ve been in my entire life. Yet, SURPRISE! I am still single. WHAT!??? How is that possible? (Lets not go into that right now folks, but I will give a nod to the place of divine timing) Ok ok ok. It’s not that I haven’t been asked out, or pursued, or dated....I have. It’s just that they never went very far, had no future or were not the kind of lads I wanted to say yes to or go on a date with. I am a woman who knows what she wants. And that’s not a crime! And just in case you are wondering....I have said yes to a few opportunities to try something different even when it’s not what I seemingly want, in the spirit of giving lads a chance. Just covering my bases.

Ok so I am 28 and asking why I am still single. THat question in turn, unfolded and exposed some wrong mindsets that had been deeply embedded within my thoughts for too many years to count.

Suffice to say what was revealed in the process was that whilst I felt powerful in every area of my life, relationally, I felt powerless, overlooked, frustrated and downright mystified as to what was going on. I had great friendships marked by quality people. Not only that, but I had started to live my life magnetically, drawing others to the life, joy, fun and goodness that flowed from heaven through me. So how in the world was it possible to not attract some quality potentials? I still don’t know the answer to this and have opted to embrace the mystery of this unanswered question.

BUT, it was clear, that there was a huge discrepancy in this area of my life that was screaming to be addressed. In asking God about this, I realized that I had believed a lie that as a woman in the church I had to sit, wait and watch passively until ‘the one’ surfaced and began to pursue me. But it finally hit me like a ton of bricks. The reality check I mean. Which just happened to arrive on my 28th birthday.

“The one’ ‘the one’ ‘the one’. Hmmmm, that's an interesting phrase. What does it mean? ‘The one” idea started to unsettle me deep within my spirit for some reason. The more I talked to God about it the more He began to underline how He created me, how He created us, to be powerful individuals operating in empowering ways in our lives. Powerful people have choice and options. That’s why there were 2 trees in the garden. It meant there was choice to exercise the freedom and power of decision. Love is like that. It’s a choice. It’s so much more and so much bigger than merely a feeling. Love chooses to love and keep on loving even when love isn’t deserved. That’s making a powerful choice right there. We were made in His image. So it follows that we live life powerful, free and full of options. That we have the power to choose to love like He does. He loved us before we ever loved Him. But it was His choice. He choose us long before we ever choose Him. That wrecks me every time.

The more revelation He gave me about being powerful and having options, the more I felt LIMITED by my mindsets centered around the idea of ‘the one’. Ok, let me clarify at this point-I am NOT endorsing Polygamy or infidelity by having multiple relationships....I only want ONE husband...what I am saying is that my mindset about ‘the one’ created a sense of powerlessness and passivity in my life that was inconsistent with every other realm of life where I was taking action, taking initiative, moving forward, deciding between multiple options, exercising the power of choice and living empowered. Something was wrong with that picture. The more I asked God, the more He began to renew my mind about this issue, the fruit of which has been new thoughts, yielding new action, which it is my hope will ultimately yield fruitful results. Anyway, I suppose the conclusion I am trying to hint at is that in this initial process my mindset about ‘the one’ has been totally deconstructed. I actually don’t believe that there is ‘the one’ because that is so limiting, in so many ways. Mainly because it undermines our power to exercise choice, since ‘the one’ isn’t really about us choosing or working through the process of discovering who we choose to spend our lives with-the man or woman we will choose to love when they have their unlovely moments because we chose to love them because we made a choice for covenant. Not only that, but that mindset also puts a ton of pressure on a relationship to operate a certain way and to produce a certain outcome, which if it doesn’t, leaves us distraught because we’ve blown the only chance in the universe to love. Let’s just laugh at that! Side note, like some in my circle, I like to laugh at lies. The more blatant they are, the funnier it seems. But it's true that that kind of mindset can doom a relationship from the start because of the unhealthy pressure that false expectation places on it.

We were made to have options and choices. Sometimes though, it feels like we are in seasons, situations, positions or places where options and choice are limited. But I am learning that actually, with God there are always more options than I can see...it just takes a bit of creative vision, wisdom and discernment to behold them. So join me on this journey of discovering what it looks like to find the options that lie just beyond my line of sight...and how it’s possible to be powerful in any situation.

I concede to the season...

Last weekend, I received one of the funnest prophetic words I've had in a long time. It was pretty accurate too. Ha ha. It was kind of ironic as I was serving at our church prophetic time that night, prophesying over others. In a break, the overseer of this ministry began to prophesy over me. She said I reminded her of one of the characters in the movie Julie & Julia (see pic above, Amy Adams is the actress she was referencing). It was so fun! There was some really amazing stuff she said that spoke of some of the deepest parts of me.

One of the funniest things that stood out, was her word about my writing and creativity. She said I needed to write. To make time for writing and to switch off my responsibility (fyi: responsibility is my top strength in the strengths finder test!) which steals my time to write (again yet another truth). The reason this resonated so powerfully, is that it was confirmation to what I was feeling Holy Spirit speak to me about recently. To document, to write, to record some of the unique (and lets be honest) vulnerable experiences I am currently going through, but which I have been somewhat hesitant to share because it's not something that is my first preference or something that I signed up for. But it's my response to His invitation to say yes to risk. And to learn how to be powerful in any and every situation. Especially in the pursuit of dreams and desires, when it feels like NOTHING is happening. Despite your faithfulness and your efforts at co-laboring. So since 'there is a holiness to the heart's affections' I ask that you would be gentle with me in my vulnerability as I share with you about some new things I am taking risk in and learning how to be powerful in the midst of what seems like lack, delay and unfulfilled desire.

I finally concede to the season. It's time to write.

Superflous Grace

I've been so focused on transition as of late, because of how it has interacted with my emotions. Things have felt rather swirly.

Last night, revelation came. I've been so focused on transition that I've let it distract me from His gaze.

As I got realigned last night, I was able to see Him and also the excessive, over the top, abundant, superflous Grace He has made available to us in this season.

So transition...you will not be featuring in my conversations as much as you have. Instead, I am looking at Him and His grace.

Lets talk about grace.